I?m sure that it can truly sting to discover that your guy had an affair. It can have a large effect on your life and really shake you to the core. In a flash you can feel just like the floor just fell out from under your feet and you?re falling into an entire world of agony. I?ve been there myself and I know what you?re going through.
Also, don?t misunderstand what I?m saying. I?m not blaming you for your husband?s choice to cheat. It was in the end his choice to do what he did.
What I am talking about here is understanding that most affairs happen because there was something wrong with your relationship. He felt that he was not getting his needs met (usually emotional needs) met and decided to search for them outside the relationship rather than working things out with you.
Sure, he decided to cheat, but at the same time, you need to take responsibility for what you probably did or didn?t do to drive him away from you. Remember that a relationship takes both people, and if a relationship isn?t working then you contributed partially to it?s deterioration.
Here are 3 things that women do that constantly drive men into another woman?s arms:
Nagging and Griping - To you, I?m sure doing these things is just your method of communicating what is on your mind. Griping is simply a way that you express what your day was like, and nagging is just your method of getting your husband to do the things which need to get done.
but you?ve got to understand that to him, griping comes off as something that he needs to fix. Men are natural problem fixers and when presented with a complaint, they?ll try to fix it. Nagging, on the other hand, makes him feel a bit like he?s somehow inadequate or not good enough.
When men do not feel ?good enough? they will start to distance themselves from you and can be quickly drawn in by someone that shows them respect and appreciation.
Emotional Distance ? Another reason why you could have contributed to the affair is perhaps because you and your husband haven?t taken the time to connect emotionally. I?m of the opinion that there is a popular stereotype that men only care about sex, but do you know that most guys say they had an affair because they didn?t feel an emotional connection with their wife?
My opinion is that life is busy and between work and getting all of the errands done, it is difficult to find time to truly connect to each other, but if you?re not there to provide emotional friendship to your man, he may start to look for it some place else.
Being Too Needy - At the same time, you don?t want to become too needy and dependent upon him either. There is a quote that the harder you try and get something the more challenging it is to attain. I know that you simply want to be close to him, but if you do not give him his space once in a while, he?ll feel smothered.
If you?d like to learn more about how to survive an affair, please check out the article My Husband Is Cheating on the website Why Do Men Cheat for more.
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